today
another day
hoping for a break
it’s been raining—
the inky clouds part
today
i try something new—
action in my life
well maybe
for this moment
i ran often
an escape
breathless
dizziness
excitement—
the runners high
looking at my shoes
i need a high today
anything will do
desperate
yesterday was rough
wheezing
rain slapping
stopping often—
little pansy
tears formed in my eyes
i wouldn't let the fuckers fall
i couldn’t give it satisfaction
lace my shoes
tie the knots
extra tight
open the front door
shove my phone into the armband
cram the earbuds
deep
into my ears
i'm going to do better
than yesterday—
i have to
yell upstairs
"heading out"
shut the door
before the answer comes back
i start off
slowly
that's how i'll beat yesterday
i was moving
too fast
trying to beat a time
i once had
but not eating healthy
or working out—
i’m fat and lazy
i'm getting older
so yeah
start off nice
and
slow
i take the same
two-and-a-half-miles
it’s familiar
unchanging
consistent
sidewalk is still wet
hidden path
through the houses
to the park
it's her park
my daughter
loves to slide
spins real fast
jumps from swing
the knot forms
just the thought—
my rug rat
flowing brown hair
and sweet giggle
dancing brown eyes
stolen my heart
a daddy's girl
daily on the couch
tickling
laughing
cuddling
holding
living
her version of a kiss
licking my neck
a sloppy mess
i love her
i'm further than yesterday
thinking of anything
other than running helps
my daughter—
the grand distraction
feeling frantic
breathless—
shit
do
something
need to keep
hauling
ass
down the sidewalk
sharp right at the river
step through a puddle
of mud
i slip
legs give way—
arms flail
"Fuck"
my right arm
finds the handrail
safe from falling completely
continue the journey
along the river
is it a river—
lived here for years
only to see
small puddles after the storm
will water ever filled the banks
why the waste
what’s the purpose
first mile done
i'm ahead of yesterday’s pace
so I walk
i’m better
my thoughts are sharper
it's not the runners high
but better than nothing
no tears today—
only a focused run
i'll comeback
tomorrow
this is fun
quarter of a mile later—
a quick hop
running again
turn onto the road
against the traffic
they breeze by
cooling my sweaty face
i'm moving faster
traffic blows by
my old pace—
a lie to myself
to keep on going
the final half-mile—
all uphill
at the bottom
i stop
i walk
i feel accomplished
something good is happening
i crushed it
today
home
i open the door
yell out
"babe—
i'm here"
silence
i breath in
belting it out
"babe—
are you
home"
nothing
they’re still dead
Comments